I’ve always had one go-to reason for knowing that no matter what the future holds, I would never rely on artificial intelligence. That reason is i-Robot. Now I have another, Portal. My decision to dive into Portal came with my complete contempt for diving into any sequel without knowing what’s going on. So, with Portal 2 on the backburner I enter Aperture Laboratories.
The immersive experience that is this game begins immediately. You (and it really feels like you) wake up in this tiny room staring up at the ceiling. Touch the thumb stick. I dare you. Each move is quick and jerky. I can only liken it to a death rattle. Within seconds it was clear that I was some kind of lab rat, and that this place was going to be my maze. Cue the robot. All of your instruction, praise and antagonism will come from one of the most annoying voices in the history of mankind. The voice of this robot alone drives creepiness factor of this game. Monotone, and auto-tune had a baby, and her name is GLaDOS. I liked the fact that I actually got to play a female in a popular game. However, when I finally get my “gun,” it’s actually a portal device. Instead of creating holes in people, zombies, or aliens, I’ll be reduced to “shooting” oblong windows that could essentially overlap in the white tiles only. Go figure. At any rate, first person shooter lovers you’re still shooting something.
At the beginning of every stage a brief set of instructions that may or may not do a single thing to help you through the stage. If you find yourself going back to look at them, you’re already aggravated, and possibly by some unexpectedly baffling physics puzzle. Later, you’ll wish GLaDOS, the she-robot was all you had to contend with. Cue the motion sickness from the super fast portal seesaw. By the 8th puzzle the creepiness factor increases 10 fold with this green sewage death water that is harder to look at than an obese stripper working the pole on the Springer Show, unless you like that sort of thing.
The ending is where you’ll hear some of the funniest dialogue, but I’m not gonna spoil. If you haven’t played it, play it.
Sgtwifey gives Portal 3.5 out out of 5 bullets.
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